Some 3800 years ago Sarah, the ‘mother of faith’ told her husband, Abraham, “Go, sleep with my slave” Hagar. Some women are still doing this today, telling their husbands to cheat on them. Not so much by what they say, but by what they do. And many more husbands are listening to their wives, like Abraham did, rather than listening to God.
What could possibly drive a woman to tell her husband, through words or actions, to go out and cheat on her?
Although she lived so long ago Sarah is not unlike many women in relationships today. She had a desire to build a life with her husband and leave a legacy together. But after years of stumbling in her attempts to keep her end of the bargain, and in the face of God’s promise that an heir would come through Abrahams flesh and blood, Sarah did what many do after failure. She gave up.
Not only did she give up, she was convinced she had a good reason for giving up. She felt justified in giving up. In fact, she was convinced it was the only thing left for a God-fearing woman to do. Sarah tells Abraham to sleep with Hagar because she believes God is “holding her back/detaining her/stopping her/restraining her” from having children. Here is wisdom: if you believe God is holding you back don’t try to find a way around the road block! Stay held up! Stay kept back! God’s timing is perfect. If you’re being held back, held up, delayed, stopped, restrained, it’s for a good reason that you can’t see at the moment from your moribund vantage point. Stop trying to run God’s red lights. It will always cost you.
Sarah gave up in the bedroom, and blamed it on God. Have you secretly given up on your ability to make it work in the bedroom with your husband? Actions speak louder than words. And when you decide in your heart, like Sarah, to drop the rope, outsource the intimate component of your marriage and let your husband fend for himself, by your actions you’re telling him to cheat, to go sleep with another woman. And yes, it will usually be someone beneath you, the equivalent of your handmaiden. It is always a bad idea, and against the will and plan of God, to drop the rope, give up on intimacy in your relationship, and tell your husband (via your behavior) to go find Hagar.
Men, do you need more intimacy in your marriage?
But husbands, you are equally at fault. Just because she tells you to go sleep with another woman doesn’t mean that you should. Just because Eve told Adam to eat the fruit didn’t mean that he should have. And notice she told him to do it without saying a word! Scripture says “she also gave some to [Adam]…and he ate it.” Actions speak louder than words. But your wife’s actions or words are not what you should listen to when you already have a word from God! If your spouse is proposing an action that conflicts with the word of God, don’t listen!
It seemed like a good idea to Sarah to let Abraham connect with someone more capable of giving him what he wanted, what he was promised by God, what was rightfully his. It seemed like a good idea, but there’s a way that seems right to a human being that always results in death. What Sarah proposed to Abraham was in her mind to achieve the end result that God wanted. But with God the means are always just as important as the ends, because He is a God of ways and means. It’s not enough to just get it done, you’ve got to get it done God’s way. Sarah thought, “It’s just the man’s seed that matters, and my handmaiden is gonna raise the child for me anyway. I don’t have the energy at this age to be chasing around no active little boy.” But it was a bad idea, because God didn’t tell her to do it. And by doing what seemed good to her she delayed the inevitable plan of God for her life and ended up having to raise Isaac by herself without her handmaiden and chasing around an active little boy at an even older age! It seemed like a good idea to Abraham to “go into” Sarah’s younger, more exciting, and nubile handmaiden as many times as necessary until he was sure, and I mean really sure, for sure sure, that she was pregnant, and then a few more times just in case. But it was a bad idea, because God didn’t tell him to do it. Failure can be part of the journey with God, even in the bedroom. Giving up in word or deed just creates a mess.
